Day 2 - See, Saw

Less noise.  I focused on my breath, thoughts streamed in out and out, loosely.  I come back to the breath...yes...there it is.  Oh no,  my focus went to the corner of the room.  But how can that be?, I have my eyes closed.  Eyes closed, I can still see everything.  Back to the breath...watching...watching, watching....trying not to control the watching.  And there it is - the moment I think it, is the moment I'm doing it.  The breath changes...I'm breathing too hard, then I'm breathing to slow.  I found myself focusing on the breath, believing I am not breathing, believing that perhaps I just don't know how to breath.  I watch my breath again, again so faint -- I panic -- then come back...I'm gone again.  I now think I'm not breathing right, because my breasts are in the way -- do you believe it!  I wonder if other women have this problem.  It's the extra weight on my chest.  But what could I possibly do about it, their my breasts?  I realize this is impossible, not the act of breathing, the idea that my breasts are getting in the way of my breathing.  I come back to the breath.  My body now pounds, it is steady, even.  It's as if my entire body is now one instrument: the heart.  Blood flowing, body pulsing, a slight sway.  This feels right...I am one instrument...heart to breath, letting go...watching.  It feels like a longer now, the watching.  Ding...the time I allotted for meditation ended.  My body is breathing, I'm loving breath, being.  I feel cared for.

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