I haven't been keeping up with my meditations. I have the best intentions! I even sit down to begin my practice, but then my kid starts screaming bloody murder or, today, a car hits both our car and a utility pole outside, causing massive power failures and electrical damage throughout the city (though it seems the brunt of it fell upon our kitchen).
In our home, now without a dishwasher, microwave, washing machine, or most of the lights, I thought I could at least mindfully scrub some plates in the candle light. The thing is, I don't know how to overcome my feelings of anger and frustration.
I'm frustrated that my 19-month-old kid neither sleeps nor naps. I'm angry that I have to spend this entire week on the phone with insurance people. I'm frustrated that I can't stop being frustrated long enough to meditate.
I felt so hopeful going into this challenge, like this was going to be the best month ever! The beginning of a blissful, wonderful existence. Despite not being able to practice, I am at least glad I am developing coping techniques for when I am in the heat of a troubling situation. I've also been falling asleep faster at night. Ordinarily, I toss for hours while my mind plans and makes lists and agendas.
Maybe I'm just not ready to spare 20 consecutive minutes to meditation each day. Maybe I need to have older children who are less dependent on me? I guess I would be at peace with that if only I were getting better at stepping away from the frustration/anger.
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.