I am actively cultivating lovingkindness and equanimity today. I arrived home from my morning aerobics class at about 9:30 to learn that Rachel died last night. She was an amazing friend and tireless breast cancer advocate. (here's her blog if you want to see it.) Literally minutes after I heard it, I got an email with some excellent news about my daughter. The doorbell rang and FedEx dropped off my new laptop. It seemed like the universe was putting a net under me, so I wouldn't fall all the way to the ground.
Then this afternoon I learned that another young women and breast cancer advocate died. I didn't know Susan as well as Rachel, but the convergence and the deep dark holes these two leave in the lives of those they love have made me numb.
I sat for 20 minutes after all this crushing news. I knew trying to just focus on my breathing wouldn't work, so I listened to Sharon's lovingkindness meditation from her Guided Meditations for Love and Wisdom CD.
I felt my heart beating against my shirt. I feel a oppressive tightness around my chest. But I relaxed a bit. I am not judging what I feel, just sitting with it, breathing into it and reminding myself that nothing is permanent.
Namaste,
Katie
Comments
Don't Go Back To Sleep
Hi Katie -- I tried submitting this note to you earlier today but I'm not sure if it went through. I just wanted to say thank you Katie for letting us know about Rachel and Susan. I'm sending you healing and loving-kindness. I am humbled by the courage these women exhibited in their writing. I am also humbled because, just before I read your post I was in essence feeling sorry for myself. There's nothing like the loss of a friend, or hearing someone else's journey through grief to spin a new perspective in ones own life...to wake me up. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter, in a time of both grief and celebration. To me, both take the same amount of energy, just in different ways.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.
~Rumi
I will do lots of
I will do lots of lovingkindness for these 2 special women, their families, and you. Some people, even in their suffering, serve so many through their honesty, their advocacy, their inspiration. I'm so happy to be able to feel them through their writing.
Don't Go Back To Sleep
Thank you Katie for letting us know about Rachel and Susan. I'm sending you healing and loving kindness. I am humbled by the courage these women exhibited in their writing. I am also humbled because, just before I read your post I was in essence feeling sorry for myself. There's nothing like the loss of a friend, or hearing someone else's journey through grief to spin a new perspective in ones own life...to wake me up. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter, in a time of both grief and celebration. To me, both take the same amount of energy, just in different ways.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.
Sending love
Thank you for posting links to these extraordinary women's blogs. I read Rachel and Susan's beautiful writing with much sadness, marveling at their courage, intelligence and passion. They died so young and left so much behind. I wish you peace as you grieve. I can't imagine a better way to process the loss of a loved one than listening to Sharon's Lovingkindness Meditation. Take good care of yourself, Katie.