When I read of Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness 28-day meditation challenge, I thought "I need to do that." Even though I already meditate.

Since 2004, when I participated in a yoga teacher training program at Om Yoga, I've been sitting down to do shamatha meditation a couple times a week. I've done Shambhala Training, been on week-long+ meditation retreats at Shambhala centers, sat zazen on Zen weekends, received White Tara practice from Shastri Ethan Nichtern, and so on. Blah blah blah, etc. You'd think I'd  have "got it" by now. (Got it that there's nothing to get, at least.)

But I still resist sitting down every day on the cushion. I feel it. I feel the discursiveness wind up: "Feed the cats first--that's compassionate! Neglecting sentient beings is hardly the fruit of meditation!"

"Wash last night's dishes--that's precision and compassion."

"Neaten up the space: that's a good Shambhala household."

And most treacherous . . . "Check your email: Someone might be needing your response!"

ARGH. Once that happens I'm lost.

I'd heard Sharon Salzberg speak a number of times and read a couple of her books for classes at the IDP. I attended her weekend retreat at the IDP last fall and was struck by the depth of her teaching and incredible warmth and approachability. So when I heard about the challenge, I jumped in.

Before I began, I felt guilty. I have been taught several practices, from metta to tonglen to White Tara. Shouldn't I be doing those? Wasn't this spiritual materialism of the worst sort, running from one practice to another?

But when I sat down, I let that thought go. Just followed Sharon's directions. Thoughts arise, let them go. The same direction I've always received. I let that guilty thought about all the practices I SHOULD be doing just . . . go. And I followed my breath.

Every day, so far.

Right before the challenge began, I did an eight-day Ayurvedic cleanse at Kula Yoga Project with Lauren Fecarotta. A gentle cleanse: 2 days cleansing food, 3 days juice/broth/tea, 3 days cleansing food. Lots of supportive, gentle cleansing practices. Not like the Master Cleanse I did 8 years ago, a rather brutal 10-day regime of nothing but lemon/cayenne/maple syrup with daily laxatives morning and night. {{{shiver at the memory}}} Not at all like that! Lauren's cleanse was definitely a much-needed reset for my body. But a compassionate one.

And the 28-day challenge is that as well. A gentle, compassionate reset.

It feels good. Not guilty at all.

- Ellen Scordato